2000-10-13 - 17:49:11

An embarrassing situation happened to me today. I was faced with a door leading to the outside of a McDonalds. It said neither, "Push" nor "Pull" on the door. I was with some friends, and I didn't want to make an ass out of myself. This poses a problem.

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO, PUSH OR PULL?

Well, I debated it for nearly fourteen seconds when my friend shoved me through the door. (Thank God it was a "Push" door.) I've come up with the following solution for you loyal readers:

When faced with this situation, remain calm. Don't panic. Look at the door thoughtfully until your friend Dirkheimer shoves you through it and makes noises like a goat. This will work every time! Well, unless it's a "Pull" door. Then you may bleed to death immediately following being thrown through the glass window next to the door by a strange man named Frank.

Well, that's all for today. Tomorrow I will discuss what to do when confronted by an unknown fellater from your past.

Canadian Mode