2001-06-18 - 5:31 a.m.

I've finally come up with the most credible excuse for why I didn't update for so long.

You see, at first I thought that I had lost my sexhero appeal (this has been known to occur to long-time sexheros. Just look at Meatloaf... wait, nevermind), because no one had signed the guestbook in WEEKS. So I began researching the problem.

First, I thought maybe it was because I hadn't put any great midi files in the entries for so long. So I took a poll of baby elephants and the midget-sized rodents that I had bought as decorations for the midget cage. Turns out that nobody likes those silly midis anymore. (Not even the Backstreet Boys, those traitors.)

Then I thought it could be that gay mode had grown boring. So I experimented with Charleton Heston mode, in which the screen would take out it's dentures and tell tales of boi-oi-oing's life to the kiddies; Michael Jackson mode, where the screen would gradually fade to white; Oprah Winfrey mode, in which the screen would randomly get real wide and then small again; and Marilyn Manson mode, where the screen would dress up really goofy, put on some of its sister's make up, and use a lot of fast motion in its videos to scare the kiddies.

They didn't work though. Charleton Heston mode would just nap every five minutes and randomly ask the kiddies to pull its finger. I won't mention what Michael Jackson mode tried to do to the kiddies. Marilyn Manson mode tried to eat the kiddies, but Oprah Winfrey mode got them first.

So I decided it was useless and I went to Hawaii, but when I came back the guestbook was alive again and I recieved emails telling me to come back. My faith in my sexhero appeal is renewed! I am a sexhero for life!

Canadian Mode