2001-04-20 - 10:51 p.m.

I went to the casino last night. I was quite drunk. I think I lost a lot of money... Those dirty bastards.

When I first stumbled in, I went straight to the slot machines. I pulled the handle, and, lo and behold, this gigantic bell rang and I heard coinage falling out of the machine! MAJOR COINAGE! I placed my cup under the coinage departure area, in hopes of catching it all and limiting the amount of meticulous work I would have to do while COMPLETELY WASTED.

After a few minutes, the ringing had stopped, but the coinage was still coming out. I looked at the slot machine to see what I had gotten. A hairy ass, a matzo ball, and some kind of donkey-looking thing.

"Wow! I wonder how much I'm winning for that!?" I thought out loud.

The lady next to me said, "Shut up, you ass clown. That's not worth shit!"

"You are SO wrong, lady. Just check out my bucket!"

I showed her my bucket, and she laughed at me. Apparently, I hadn't won anything... There was no money in my bucket. Could it have been someone else's winning that I had overheard by mistake? Nah. It must have been those damn monkeys that do those crazy impressions of Jackie Chan I love so much.

I spent the next three hours chasing the monkeys around the casino. "HERE MONKEY, MONKEY!"

After that, I played some roulette...

Canadian Mode