2001-11-04 - 5:39 p.m.

So, I woke up this morning and my doorbell was ringing. It was 8:00. "Who the hell is at my door at eight in the damn morning!?" I walked out to check it out, and what do i see standing at my doorstep? A MIDGET! Damn, midgets. I swear.

So I ask this midget what business has brought it hither, and a voice from the side of my house said, "He's your son, you idiot! He's a child not a midget!"

"Bah! I know a midget when I see one!" I yelled.

"You're such a retard, boi-oi-oing! Remember five years ago when you were in Jamaica?"

I did remember. But there were so many Jamaicans and so little time, I didn't think I had gotten to them all. Besides, this kid was as white as a... well... a really white thing. "You lie! This kid is white," I said loudly. "Besides, I'm only half-retarded, and I don't remember giving birth to anything."

I could hear the shaking of a head on the side of my house. "Where did this child come from?"

"Jamaica, you tool!"

"Give me a name, woman!"

"Calli, Calli Pygous..."

Oh, my dear Calli. Perhaps the only white woman in Jamaica had fallen in love with me five years ago. She had the most gorgeous ass in the whole Carribean. Rum happened. Now I have a kid.

I examined the kid, and my ever-scheming mind formed a plan. First of all, this kid was really cute. and everyone knows how chicks like cute kids. Second of all, I was sure I could turn this kid into the second greatest sexhero of all time.

"I will take good care of him. What is his name?"

"His name is Dodeca, Dodeca Pygous. I will return in a few months."

I took Dodeca inside, and he immediately fell asleep on my couch watching cartoons. I'm so good at this father thing.

Canadian Mode